Friday, May 15, 2020

Covid 19: Judgment Day

A few weeks ago I recorded my thoughts on the state of the world in the current circumstance we are in, told through some of my experiences since I last wrote about them on March 16th, and I concluded with my opinion on these matters and what should be done now. I got into some political issues as well. I never published this. It totaled 23 pages in length, written quickly with many random thoughts. I was going to publish it here. As I thought about it, it was decided by me to delete it and wipe it from existence. Even though I stand by everything that was written, I thought it best to not share with the public. This was my judgment, and I stand by it.

In deleting what I wrote out of existence, I'm left in a sort of state of shock, and my ability to write anything else has been left in a void. So I've decided to write about a few things since I completed writing what is now no longer in existence.

I've been trying to make the most of living in a state where we have had the third most coronavirus deaths in the United States. Not much has changed from my life as it was before. I still work, I still go out, just not as much, but I always keep busy. Living alone, I feel more isolated. When you go out, most people are wearing masks and keeping a distance. Personally I don't know anyone who has died from the virus, nor do I know anyone that has tested positive for it. I only know two people that were tested for it, and it came out negative.

Like everyone else in the world, I think I did have the virus. One day a few months ago I was sitting at my desk when I suddenly felt my lungs burning. It only lasted about three seconds, but it was something I never felt before. In my mind, it was covid-19. It was probably indigestion.

One of the exciting things I began to do was, in effort to support as many local restaurants as I can in this time of crisis, is to get take-out daily from as many restaurants as I wanted to try or have come highly recommended that I have not tried yet. I've been eating very well, in other words, but it has come with a few extra pounds, which I am now in the process of getting rid of.

I still work as an Uber driver part-time, though I have cut my hours. It is pretty much the only means of communication I have these days with the outside world. It has been more busier than ever, despite the strict quarantine measures, but I think its because too many drivers are now scared to drive. I feel safe though. Over a month ago I picked up someone from the hospital and was driving him to the hardest hit area of Boston. He was listening to music with earpods on, and suddenly he began to rap loudly to some rap song he was listening too, and it seemed like he was spitting all over the place. After that I stopped driving for two days, cause it was getting too dangerous. Two days later I decided to put a clear plastic covering in between the front and back of my car, and now nothing can through, so I feel safe again.

I never wear a mask, even though it is required. I can't, even if I wanted to. It bothers my allergies and now its getting too hot. Plus, I don't think they arenecessary 99.5% of the time. I only wear them when I have to go inside somewhere to pick up food, but I leave my nose uncovered. I only do it to not be mask-shamed.

There has been little time for me to watch much television, even though I want to. I'm far behind on things I want to see. A little over a month ago I began watching every Natalie Wood movie chronologically. I'm about half way done. I even recently wrote something about Natalie Wood which I will publish at the end of the month, so I will leave my thought about that for then.

I titled this post "Covid 19: Judgment Day" because this is what I titled my now deleted essay. It also conveys the fact that I judged to delete it. The reason I titled the original essay this way was because I began by telling a story of what happened to me a few weeks ago. There is a burger place I wanted to try in Durham, New Hampshire, so on one sunny beautiful Sunday afternnon I decided to take a road trip and grab a burger or two from curbside, then I was going to go to Hampton Beach and eat it while overlooking the ocean.

When I arrived in Durham, it was like I entered another world that I once had known. Durham is a college town, and there were students everywhere on the street. There were no masks, no social distancing. At sorority houses there were front yard parties going on, with thirty or so students confined in small spaces. When I got to the burger place to pick up my order, as I waited in the car I noticed the students going in and out of the restaurant without masks and not keeping any distance at all. The people working weren't wearing any masks either, though they did wear gloves. Not once while driving around Durham did I ever see a mask.

Many people would probably be horrified by what I just described. To me, it was nostalgic. I felt free, in a sense. If you read my post from March 16th, you will see why. But I also felt like an invader. I felt like someone from hell who sneaked his way into heaven, a place where he doesn't belong. I felt like I was an infected person in a land of uninfected people. It felt like my own personal Judgment Day. Funny thing is, I was perfectly healthy, but something in my head was saying while I was in Durham that I was not healthy. I was not worthy to be in their presence. Going around Boston you feel isolated, its like the apocalypse has come, people are scared, they even drive alone in their cars with masks on - it is like Purgatory. In Durham, it felt like Paradise. I snuck into Paradise before my time in Purgatory was completed.

This description might not seem that odd to many now. Now many states are opening up. Just now I got a notification on my phone that 110 people died today from coronavirus in Boston. Horrible, but fortunately we are on a downward trend of cases and deaths. In Boston we are still far from a desired freedom. We were first told to hunker down till we flatten the curve and open up the hospitals, and now that its done we are given other excuses to continue hunkering down. Honestly, I just want the masks to go away and to be able to go to the movies again. Then I'd be just fine. If movie theaters opened today, I would be there. Every New England state has a drive-in theater opening within a week except Massachusetts, so I probably go to one in Maine, since the one in Rhode Island requires masks be worn at all times. I think we have all learned enough to open up and get back to business, definitely by June 1st. Doubtful it will happen, but it should happen. Our local government screwed up, now we are getting screwed over. If things don't go back to normal soon, we will move from one horrific crisis to another.

Any way, I'm just rambling, trying to get something on this page to get me out of the shock of deleting a 23 page essay I wrote. I think it worked. Next time I will post something more interesting.